I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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