did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
