I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You are a genius and a whore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
