oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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