the day after is always just damage control
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
