I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
