the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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