the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
