so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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