There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
