First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
