Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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