apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
