if only i could text you this smell
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
