how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
