the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have already put on my inside pants.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
