Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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