i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
