this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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