some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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