There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
