He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
