I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
