My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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