so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
