I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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