yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
