screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
