i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
