There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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