idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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