If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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