I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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