the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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