i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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