so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
