party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
