with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
