Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
