cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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