How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
