I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
