i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
