he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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