i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
