I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
