Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we're so committed to being not committed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
