My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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