if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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