i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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