i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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