my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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