obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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