This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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