He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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