I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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