You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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