wanna go halves on a baby?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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