Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
