I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
