if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
