you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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