She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
