She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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