To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
